Hook: A Series of Unfortunate Events
by Alexander Ripley
Summary: Random short stories centered around making Hook suffer
1. Chapter 1

Hook was in a good mood. Granted a girl who was the size a twelve year old had kicked his ass twice today despite him having the element of surprise, Rumple beat the crap out of him with a cane ,he lost the cricket and he got run over by a car BUT it was all worth it just to see Rumple's pissed off expression when he shot his little girl through the memory border

So overall the day finished on a very good note. There was quite a bit of a swagger in his step(and quite a bit limping too but he didn't mind the pain) and he walked the streets of Storybrooke this night. Suddenly he paused as he heard a noise behind him. Tense he turned around, hook ready only to find himself face to snout with a Dalmatian

"Well well you must be the cricket's pet "smirked Hook and continued in a nasty tone hoping it was one of these smart animals that could actually understood human speech. "here to avenge your master little doggie?"

The Dalmatian started growling menacingly. Hook giddy with anticipation of having a nice dog pelt raised his hook. Then he heard a second growl. He slowly turned his head and saw a second Dalmatian. His eye detected movements in the shadows as more and more Dalmatians emerged everywhere. Soon he found himself surrounded by what must have been close to a hundred dogs

"Oh shit" was all Hook managed to say before they pounced on him


	2. Chapter 2

Hook limped away as fast his legs could carry him. Finally he reached an alley where he calmed down and managed to catch his breath. What the hell was wrong with this Storybrooke? Here he was crashing the local tavern in celebration of escaping the hospital and demanding rum like any other self respecting pirate but instead of quivering in fear the innkeeper asked him for money! Him! The feared Captain Hook.

The old crone had dared to tell him that unless he has money he wouldn't be getting anything. Naturally Hook gave her his most sinister smile and told her about the consequences of angering him. But instead of begging on her knees for mercy the old psychotic woman pulled out a crossbow from behind the counter and shot at him. She didn't even tell him to stand still like good guys were supposed to. She just outright shot him! How anyone so insane had the gall to go by something as harmless as Granny was beyond him

With a grunt he extracted the arrow from his buttock. Shit that hurt as if the broken ribs weren't enough already. He was seriously pissed and he was craving vengeance. Standing up and bracing himself he turned around and prepared to walk right back to the tavern and teach this old woman a lesson. Unfortunately it seemed like she had the same idea as Hook suddenly saw her approaching from the street. He quickly dived sideways as an arrow whizzed right where his head was a few seconds ago. Picking up a trashcan lid and using it as improvised shield he quickly ran away. His mind still couldn't comprehend how exactly he found himself in a position where he was hunted like an animal by a freaking grandmother. Finally after what must have been at least several miles he stopped running reasonably sure that she couldn't keep up with him

Feeling utterly humiliated and angrier then ever he looked around for a way to release his pent up aggression. Thankfully the full moon made it quite easy to see. And that's when fate finally smiled upon him. Right at the edge of the forest stood one of the sexiest women he had ever seen. Dressed in skin tight clothes that showed off all of her curves and a wolfish smile on her face she was perfect. The long red hood she was wearing over her clothes just made her look even more alluring.

Suddenly as if sensing him she turned around startled. Her eyes were wide with surprise and once they saw his hook anger as well.

"You are him aren't you?" she practically hissed" Hook. You shot Belle you bastard. She doesn't even remember me anymore"

"My my who would have thought that the Crocodile's girl would have such a lovely friend" smiled Hook. This was just too good. He sincerely hoped that this girl was also connected to the Crocodile "Good for her but bad for you honey"

Hook stepped forward menacingly wondering just what kind of message he should send through this girl. Should he take her head? Skin her alive? Rape her? So many options. He wondered which one of them would hurt the Crocodile the most.

Suddenly he saw her starting to take her hood off. Hook's grin threatened to spill his face

"Now that's the spirit my dear" he said while leering at her body" We are going to have a lot of fun tonight"

"No" she said and for a moment Hook hesitated as he saw a rather disturbing smile on her face " I will"

The hood hit the floor and the girl started changing. Or perhaps a more proper way to describe it would be shifting. In just a few seconds the lovely girl had turned into a wolf the size of a small horse

"Oh shit" said Hook as he ran to the forest as fast as he could. In the end it wasn't fast enough


	3. Chapter 3

Hook tugged at the shackles. For such a tiny chain it seemed rather strong. Getting away was not going to be easy but then again Hook did love a challenge so his spirits were high. Especially since he was still riding on the euphoria of seeing the Crocodile's heartbreak, now that was one beautiful moment

After more then twenty minutes of work and some very skillful use of his toes he finally managed to get into a position where he could pick the lock. Noticing the dwarf(and honestly did he deserve only a dwarf as a guard? How humiliating) standing guard in front of the room he quickly lured him in and knocked him out.

After a quick search he found not only his clothes but also his hook. Wincing slightly as putting on his clothes really did a number on his broken ribs he headed out of the hospital. And that's when he ran into the Crocodile. A surge of anger, insanity and a small dose of terror bubbled up inside his heart

"Here to finish the job Crocodile?" sneered Hook" Go ahead. Do it. You still won't get her back"

The Dark One raised his hand and Hook braced himself ready for a fiery death but instead of getting struck down he suddenly found himself back in his room and tied to the bed. This time much more securely

"Oh no deary" said the Crocodile with a voice full of loathing" I won't kill you. I really wish I could but I am afraid that the annoying royalty is right. I am not going to risk my chance with Belle just for the quick pleasure of seeing you die"

The Crocodile headed to the door but at the last moment he turned around

" But " said Rumple and Hook could feel the insane note in his voice" Just because I can't kill you doesn't mean I am out of options now does it?

With that smoke started enveloping Hook. Expecting to be turned into an animal Hook blinked in surprise as the smoke dissipated and he was still here

"Goodbye… Ken" said Rumple with a sinister smile and left the room

Hook was confused. He didn't feel any different. And then he suddenly froze. The stump of his hand quickly patted his pants and Hook understood what he was missing

His screams could be heard all over the hospital


End file.
